GUYS TALKING

 In a cafe:
A:  Is that stone around your neck real turquoise?
B:  Sure, I got it from this girl in Brazil.
A:  That is the biggest f---in' stone I ever seen.
B:  Yeah, man, it's epic.

On the sidewalk:
A:  Hey, I gotta go. Dancing with the Stars is on tonight.
B:  Oh, you watch that?
A:  Of course. We're all voting for Bristol.
B.  Bristol Palin! Why?  She can't dance.
A:  Cause we just LOVE that family, that whole family! They're really something.

Two white middle-aged guys blocking the isle in a health food store:
A is blabbing on and on and on... blah blah blah blah blah....about some mystic kind of new age evolved something or other.  B listens patiently but finally interrupts.
B:  You sure that's true?
A.  Of course it's true. I should know because I'm a kahuna.
B.  (Silence)
A:  You didn't know that, did you? That I'm a kahuna. I am, you know.
B.  (More silence)
A.  You don't believe me?  Why don't you believe me? I am a kahuna, you know, for real.
B.  Okay. Then say something in Hawaiian.